Tu Shanshu thread with jirk

[parallels]

[When one of the parents who helped volunteer at the welcome center told her that she looked like she needed a vacation, she nearly laughed in their face. A vacation when you were trapped on a turtle with nowhere to actually get away? Didn't that defeat the point?

But the words and the tone stuck with her and the next day she noticed in the mirror how thin she'd become. Her ribs were visible and her collar bones protruded sharply. She hadn't been this thin since her mother died nearly exactly ten years ago. So maybe that was when it started. First Spock left, then Scott, then there was the swamp and the bombings and so many new scars. So many things festering beneath the surface that ate away at her mind and subsequently everything else.

So she packed up a few books, some clothes, and some tea and headed to the edge of the turtle. It wasn't really remote but it was quieter and there was a little cottage where she could hide away from everything. No one to knock at her door to ask if she was okay out here. Plus she loved the sight of the sea. It reminded her of home, not of London, but of Blackpool and when her mother would take her to the beach and they would build sandcastles for hours, making up stories of princesses and dragons.

But it's March and while everything is starting to turn to spring, she just feels cold from the inside out. So she bundles up in a coat and hat and sits on the beach feeding the birds the bread that she'd forgotten to eat and had long gone stale. Relaxed by the sound of waves crashing up against the sand as the turtle slowly swims through the salty smelling sea, she sits there for hours, just holding her childhood travel book.]

Comments

[jirk]

[The one benefit of having a solar-powered car is that he can go anywhere he wants, as easily as all that. And it's nice to get away from it all sometimes, as much as he can. Sure, he's got half a dozen friends that can fly, but none of them can escape and that's what the car is to him. An escape. It's a little part of his history, tarnished and bitter but bright enough to shine, and sometimes he takes it out to the edge of the turtle just to watch the sunrise over the ocean.

So maybe it's poetic. Maybe it's the only real way to stave off the darkness. But he's out, top down, listening to too-loud music and enjoying the wind as he drives. It's still cold outside, but hey, it doesn't have anything on Delta Vega. Mostly he just enjoys it.

Until he drives past a familiar silhouette on the beach, and slows, then stops.

Clara? The hell's she doing out this far?

He pops the car into neutral, kicks the e-brake, and vaults out of the side of it. His hands almost ache with the cold, but he tucks them into his pockets as he jogs out to see her.]

Hey, Tink. You okay?

[parallels]

[Clara is in the middle of listening to her iPod and chewing on a nail that is already practicallly down to a stub and cracked from the cold and dry air when Jim arrives so she remains unaware of his approach. It's not until he speaks that she flinches in shock and looks up.

Her first reaction is to feel so embarrassed that she wants to jump into the freezing cold water just to get away from him. Her second is... relief. Relief that someone's here. That she's not sitting alone anymore. So she swallows and wraps her arms around herself and gives him a tired grin.]

I'm on holiday. You know, fresh air. New scenery.

[jirk]

And you didn't tell your favourite Starfleet Captain? I'm crushed.

[He smiles, drops down next to her in the sand, unzipping his jacket as he goes. From there it's a barrage of multitasking, digging furrows in the earth with his bootheel, arranging himself so that he can wrap an arm around her shoulder and tuck his leather jacket against her side to keep her warm.]

How else don't I rate?

[parallels]

The physician told me to decrease stress. Not to be caught up in 'ridiculous, ragtag, adventures and schemes". In which, Jim Kirk rates 99/100 involvement rate.

[She stiffens at first when he holds her but finds herself drawn into his warmth. It feels like it's been ages since they've done more than wave at each other from afar beyond some hazy recollections of wild night at a bar that ended with a lot sick.]

Looking after yourself rates low. I have a cold and you shouldn't get too close. I feel like you've gotten your fill of disgusting from me.

[The protest is mild, as if there just to be a courtesy.]

[jirk]

[Cheerfully,]

Just don't sneeze on me and we'll call it even.

[And then, quieter,]

So what's up?

[parallels]

No promises.

[When he quiets the grin falls off her face and she wraps her arms around her knees to stare down at them. They're skinnier than what she remembered before.]

I'm just. Just trying to work through things. A lot has happened.

[jirk]

Seriously?

[Eyebrows up.]

You're going to make me ask? Thought we were past that stage, babe.

[It could be teasing, but he says it gently, leaning into her. She's practically skin and bones, and he frowns a touch.]

[parallels]

[She gives him a look that's half apologetic and half begging him to understand.]

We've both lost people. Especially lately. And I've already lost the most I could lose. [Her fingers brush the book.] So I just tried to push through. Be strong, keep my head up.

It's harder than I remember.

[jirk]

Couldn't possibly be because you're trying to do it all alone.

[He gets it. He really does. But his tone is laced with slight chastisement regardless.]

[parallels]

[She snorts softy and looks down at the sea before back up at him.]

It's what I did back then. Maybe I'm not that wise about it at all. Or I just can't break out of pattern that holds me.

[jirk]

[Weirdly enough, his mind drifts to his birthday. It was the first time since he was about fourteen that he didn't get black-out drunk, and it's all thanks to the people here. Healing is a funny word, maybe one Clara hasn't had enough of. He kisses her hair.]

Lucky for you I'm unpredictable. Patterns hate me. So what can I do to help?

[parallels]

["Nothing" flickers in the back of her head and telling him some something like "It just takes time". Which of course it does, everyone knows that. It's how you make that time that matters. So instead she pulls out one of her earbuds and hands it to him.]

For now, you're going to listen to music with me. You know, the quiet rock sort with pretentious lyrics. You know Neutral Milk Hotel?

[She's moving close, mostly unconsciously, nearly in his lap]

[jirk]

Never heard of 'em. Probably after the War, huh?

[Not that he's an expert on early music or anything, but most of the bands people reference seem to come after a divergent point in history - Khan's Eugenics War.]

[parallels]

Hmm. Probably. Mid 1990's. Prepare to be enlightened.

[She sniffles and curls against his side as the music plays. As it's one in one ear, it's soft and soothing with the sound of the wind and the waves.]

My mum listened to them. Used to sing me the songs.

[jirk]

[He tilts his head down, so the earbuds don't have quite so far to travel.]

You miss her, huh.

[What else would she be doing out here, listening to this music, hiding away from the world? Clara doesn't quite wear her heart on her sleeve but she feels things deeply, and tries to endure alone. Figures.]

[parallels]

I do. But not all the time. Sometimes I think about it and I can't stop. Some days, it's just a little point in the back of my mind.

[She admits to it and quickly counters herself. Jim is perceptive and always has been. Sometimes it's her favorite thing about him. Other times it's her least. Right now, it's both.

She shifts against, tightening her arms around herself and her knees to her chest, like she's protecting herself.]

It was ten years ago. But it's been hard not to think about lately.

[jirk]

[Ah.]

Anniversary's coming up, isn't it?

[parallels]

It...

Already passed, actually. Last week.

[jirk]

[He's silent for a moment, though he adjusts his jacket a little, and then on second thought just peels it off to drape around her more fully. He doesn't really get cold the way she does, to begin with.]

I'm sorry. I know what it's like. Doesn't get any easier. Sometimes it feels like it isn't supposed to, you know?

[parallels]

I know you do.

[Jim's been through the ringer too. Here and back in his own world. She shifts a little, as if she's trying to reject the coat, before she just pulls it tighter around herself and moves closer to him. Idly, she takes his opposite hand in hers, cradling it in both of her hands as if to try to keep it warm. Or maybe because she wants a connection.]

It feels wrong not to think about it. Like the weight is part of who I am now.

[jirk]

[Her hands are a lot softer than hers. The contrast draws a moment's intent scrutiny, but eventually he just shrugs his off shoulder and drags his thumb across her knuckles.]

That's all we are. Collections of experience distilled into all the same stuff stars are made out of. The future's important, but-- we get who we are from the past.

[parallels]

Massive amounts of luminous plasma?

[She jokes weakly, her eyes still on their hands. His are rough and big enough to cover hers entirely. But mostly warm.]

I always thought I knew where I was going. What I'd do. The path was so clear. And I had to follow it, even if there were other things I wanted. But it's been fading. Especially lately.

[jirk]

Atoms, Tink.

[Jeeze. He flashes a brief smile, and then he slips back into solemnity.]

Being trapped here isn't doing anyone any favours.

[Oops, does he sound a little bitter? Well, suck it, Evandau.]

Most of us aren't really good at the whole 'hurry up and wait' thing. I'm like ninety-nine percent sure I'm going gray.

[parallels]

Yeah. I suppose not. I'm quite good at waiting though.

[Though as long as she's here, she doesn't have to face the man who now calls himself the Doctor and all the things did to her. It's both a blessing and a curse. And she wasn't alone here as long as she had Jim. There's a small sniff and she raises her hand to run a finger through his short hair, cocking her head to inspect it.]

I'm one hundred percent sure you're just being dramatic.

[jirk]

[That gets a laugh.]

Oh, now a guy can't be dramatic? It's the most fun we can have with our clothes on.